My Freind

 

My life has taken me on one heck of a journey. But through out this path I have always written about my observations, my perceptions, if you will, about the world I live in and the world around me.
Today I want to write about a personal friendship, one that has survived over separation and time. One that can pick up years later where it left off as if it was always there waiting in the wings to reunite. I got a call from an old friend that just last week I had been searching for, out of the blue I did not find her, she found me after, eighteen years. We both had divorced and while she had remarried and had a new last name, I had remained single and took back my birth name. She found me on facebook through my daughter and while many years have passed the love and affection we shared is still as real today as it was all those years ago.
I want her to know how much it meant for her to be by my side when I lost my sister and her two children in an accident. Susan was there making all the arrangements for my flight out, making sure I had what I needed to take with me, holding me together, while I was falling apart. I want her to know what a difference she made when she took care of my son as she would care for her own. I want her to know that all the crazy things we survived made us stronger in the end. That if not for her at that time in my life, I would have been so all alone. I have missed my friend through these years and believe God does send us a sign an angel when we just might need it most.
As I sat down today to write this post, I hope that I can write what needs to be said to all of you who read my blog about having a friend. Friends are hard to come by, the real true friends as the saying goes, “knows all about you and loves you anyway.” are rare, like a fine jewel that is flawless in our eyes. Someone that knows you as well as you know yourself and can love you more sometimes than you love yourself. That person that picks up the phone and says “how can I help.”
In this day and age this type of friendship is not as easy to come by. In our fast paced, hurry up and get it done, social media world, we may have many connections but sometimes few REAL friends

Getting Real

Getting real about who we really are and the ratio that honesty has with our overall happiness is something I’ve been looking into over the past few months. An honest reality check affects the choices we make in life and our ability to change.

There is such a wide spectrum of willingness to change in individuals, ranging from complete obstinacy (or denial of present circumstances) to optimistic embrace. Where one stands on this flexibility spectrum depends not only upon knowing oneself. But also a willingness to do the work. I will not sugar coat this it is work.And the work never ends, like the dish’s in the kitchen sink, it’s a daily task. Philosophers have ruminated on “What is Real?” for centuries.

Thinkers throughout the history of our world have held forth on the relationship between knowing oneself and one’s ability to accomplish, thereby leading a meaningful life. With such abundant attention to this universal topic, you might think as individuals we’d find ourselves in a constant state of reality check. But more often than not, we are just stuck in the middle.

Be who you are and be Proud


 Labels we see them on our clothing, they come with instructions on how to care for the garment. There are warning labels on medication on the caution that must be taken when we administer the drug, do not drive or operate heavy machinery until you know how this medication will effect you, do not take on an empty stomach etc.

There are pamphlets written with instructions on how to put a toy together, a manual on how to operate your car. Yes we have labels and warnings for just about everything we encounter in life. Except for life and how to live it. There is no tag or warning label that comes attached on the care and treatment of a human.

We are born without labels. But it doesn’t stay that way, as we grow other humans attach labels to you. Ever been labeled? Ever labeled someone yourself?  Everyone’s done both, sometimes it’s benign, sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s a bad thing.

It starts from an early age and continues through life – he’s a jock, he’s conscientious, she’s a troublemaker.  Assigning labels to things seems to be part of how our brain makes sense of the world She’s so cute, he is so slow, she cries all the time, he’s just not like all the other kids. She has her Mothers, hair, her Father eyes. He’s gay, she’s a slut. Her clothes are trashy, his friends are all wrong for him. Do you see where I am going here? It does not matter what label others assign you, it is of no value to you. Be who you are and be proud of who you are.

These labels can be accurate or inaccurate, damaging or motivating. They can help us or hurt us, inspire us or depress us. They can be badges of honor or badges of shame.

People also change to match the labels that are applied to them – particularly when those labels are applied by themselves or the people who love them.

If we…

let go of the labels and boxes we put people in;

gave up the “us and them” mentality;

set aside our insistence on being right;

refuse to believe that the differences of others are a threat;

approached people like we know nothing at all about them;

believed that love satisfies the intent of all people;

were open to seeing every person as a blank slate;

then perhaps we would find that every person we come across on the everyday paths of our lives is just like us, trying to do the best they can without a instruction manual.

To the parents; if you have child who is  Gay, support them, love them, be proud of them. Do not try to change them or mold them into what you think they should or should not be. Allow them to grow up with acceptance in their home, as acceptance starts at home and than flows outward. Be involved with their life, yet give them space. Let them know they can always come to you no matter what the situation. Teach them to love themselves and be true their own feelings always. To stand up for all humanity and speak out. You will never get a second chance to raise your child. Raise them without prejudice and hate and without labels.

READY FOR A DIFFERENT FUTURE?

READY FOR A DIFFERENT FUTURE?


Forrest Gump learned about change from his mom: He said, “My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” I agree, however you also must learn from the past and cherish  all the good that it brought to you and put the bad behind you and move forward.

As 2011 draws to a close, it’s time to “put the past behind you” and set down all those burdens you’ve been carrying. It’s time to move on and begin anew. Hurts, anger, disappointments, embarrassments, mistakes and shame weigh you down and drain your energy. And clearly your baggage is SO YESTERDAY! Make your choice to live in the past or preferably come join us in 2012. Knowing that whatever situation you lived through in 2011 was a learning experience. So take the good, leave the rest behind and look ever forward to the New Year.

READY FOR DIFFERENT RESULTS?


Perhaps you thought that holding on to your low vibration energies, [negative attitudes, worries, fears] would help you become a better person, keep you from making mistakes, heal your heart, or make a positive difference in the world? Well, it hasn’t and yet you’ve continued to lug them around.

What’s the point of continuing such actions other than to keep you stuck and drive you crazy? Dear old Albert Einstein knew the score when he said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Good news. I know a great way to avoid such craziness. If you want or expect 2012 to be different, you’ll have live this year different from the last. Let go, stand tall and live in the positive and the now.

READY TO DANCE?

It’s time to wake up and embrace a clean slate for 2012.
DONE: Free me from thoughts of revenge or my desire to wish ill upon those who have betrayed or injured me. Bless me with thoughts that heal and alleviate my wounds. Let me inspire others as I return to the high vibration of health and wholeness.

RESPECT: Ease my shame from when I did not value myself. Stop my mental replay of each action, word, or experience that rekindles embarrassment, pain, or regret. Help me today to lift my head, begin with a new slate, and learn to honor myself again.

GARDENING: Help me to cultivate a positive, healthy, and vibrant mind, body, and spirit. Please plant the seeds of happiness, generosity, and kindness within me. Help me be a good gardener by tending my mind with positive thoughts, my body with rest, and my spirit with gratitude.

We asked our follows on Twitter last night to tell us what was the best moment of 2011 for them? I know we all are saying “will be glad to see this year gone!”

I set my intention for the old year and the new to end it on a positive note. To take all the wonderful moments and experiences from 2011 and embrace them. To be grateful for all the days of my life, both the good and bad. To be thankful and at peace for all that I have been given. I hope you too will focus not on what 2011 brought to you in pain and sadness but look back with a heart that is filled with love and joy for the blessings of life and all the moments of your life. YOU MADE IT !!! Welcome 2012 with an open heart.
 @UnseeingEyes Vincenzo Scipioni

I suppose the best was my sister’s wedding. It was the happiest I ever saw both my parents & sister, in my entire life.
 @ChazEMack Charles Lowmack

 A great XMAS Gift!! 12/26 Received word that a family had passed, couldn’t get it confirmed. On 12/28, spoke to the person,.It was a great relief on heart to hear their voice. Having just lost a family member 11/17/11, unexpectedly. Best Xmas
@UnseeingEyes Vincenzo Scipioni

That’s very difficult to answer …because I’ve had a number of best moments in 2011…both internally & externally.
@planethealer Becky Bills

 dancing to calypso music on a boat in green turtle cay for my birthday with my sister and friends
@planethealer Becky Bills

 taking my daughter to Hawaii for spring break watching her laugh with me by the huge waves
DianeTate DianeTate

 Best momentN2011=Being told by Dr Cascino-Mayo Clinic-I would not have to take meds any more. Brain surgery worked!
@ladyceej  waking up from surgery and being able to raise my arm! Best day ever!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you & not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future! #BIBLE
@SuccessCoaching Sue Clement

I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the year’s. ~Henry Moore”

In Memory My Sister

 
 
When we look back it must always be easier to recall the memories of a childhood where love lived. We were two little girls, barely two years apart in age. We were sisters. The year was 1957, I was five you were turning seven soon. It was the year before everything changed. It was the year we still believed in Santa Clause and wondered how he would come down the potbelly stove that stood in our living room. It was the year Daddy and Billy Paul went to the woods in back of our house in Heiskell and cut down a tree so big Daddy had to anchor it with wire to the wall to get it from falling over. It was the year of possibilities and maybe we would get what we had asked Santa for at Miller’s department store.
In hush whispers we spoke about the special babies we wanted that looked like twins. We debated over who would get the one in pink and who would get the one in blue. I loved the color pink and you loved blue. We had seen the baby dolls in a big Sears catalog  We had high hopes and our family had little money. We were poor, or at least that’s what we heard. I didn’t  feel poor, and you said we were rich and I believed you. You were always right. You were the one everyone called Lane brain. You were my big sister and protector. You were my hero. we waited for Christmas Eve and the excitement grew. We held onto the innocence of time and love in a big family. We slept in the same cast iron bed with big homemade quilts to keep us warm and giggled and played until Momma told us to “hush” and go to sleep or Santa would not come.
We were awake before dawn that Christmas morning in 1957, Momma made us stay in bed till the house warmed from the big potbelly stove, Daddy was feeding it with coal. The anticipation was almost too much for two little girls, we hugged and wished each other Merry Christmas and finally when we jumped from the bed to rush into the living room we stood in the doorway unable to believe what we saw. Setting under the tree in two matching strollers were two babies that looked real, one in pink and one in blue, with  matching hats. We ran to the tree and hugged our new babies and each other. Santa had heard, he had given us our twins to take care of and love. 
We carried those babies around with us into adulthood. Yours use to set on your bed even after you married. My baby was lost when we moved to California. But the memory lives on of the love we had for those babies and each other. The memories of all the Christmas’ we spent together as we grew older and had children of our own. No matter how far apart we were we always managed to be together at Christmas. We talked about the babies the last Christmas we were together and how much we had shared through the years, the trails of marriage and divorce, and the worry over our growing children. We talked a lot that day Lane not knowing it would be our last Christmas together.

It’s been many years since that last Christmas we were together. And yet I never fail to remember that year we both believed in all the good and blessings we had. I never fail to say a prayer for you my beloved sister, I never will forget you Lane and know you are living in Heaven with all your babies. And beside you is a special one all dressed in blue.

Angels Among Us

Do you believe there are Angels among us?
 I do.
I have seen them at work tending to the sick, feeding the hungry, wiping away a child’s
 tear.
Angels come in all shapes and sizes and they are far more visible than you may think.
Angels are strong, yet at times they to can be weak and shed a tear.
Angels stay up all night sometimes watching over a sick child to make sure all is well.
Angels watch while a teen makes mistakes, yet always trying to guide them in the right direction.
Angels watch while others are in pain and sometimes they feel helpless, yet they stand by trying to sooth the sadness.
Yes I believe in Angels, they have many different titles; Mothers Fathers, Daughters,Sons, Friends and even Strangers.
Please send my friends an angel
And trust them with its care,
Someone or something for them to love
And always to be there.
Please send my friends an angel,
One to help them fill their days
With hope, love, and laughter
And the warmth of sunshine rays.

Please send my friends an angel.
A friend gave me the one that’s mine
Please send my friends an angel.
A true friend’s hard to find.

 

 To all my Angels………………………………….Bless you.

Love Will Find Me

“ Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the light.”
“I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it
I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me, it isn’t over.”"Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don’t forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”
 
The words to a haunting love song played in my head this morning. The words are from Adele, the words really have stuck with me since I heard this song. I can relate to the haunting melody, the words, the longing of past loves, past hurts, mistakes and the hope of finding someone just like you.
 
The words sometimes it last in love but sometimes it hurts instead are the words that play in my mind when I think of all that has been lost. A longing for what was, what never was and all that was possible.
 
“ We are in an age and a time that challenges us individually. We are being asked individually and as couples to look deeply into our self.”

To understand and to make the shift it is vital that we wake up and become conscious that our relationship problems arise from our individual unresolved emotional issues from the past. Unresolved emotions are so harmful to the body mind system, they block energy, which then becomes a barrier to self-understanding, our personal development, conscious awareness and our spiritual evolution. These stored negative emotions we unwittingly carry around like luggage unpacking it and repacking it. The emotions we experience are set like stone into the very cells of our body mind system. Our luggage is without doubt a major factor in relationship breakdowns.

We’ve all gone through it. Emotional upsets… life is full of them. Through our human experience, we journey through ups and downs. My path and your path have taken us over awe-inspiring mountains and through dark valleys of sadness. Through these times of highs and lows, one thing remains the same: our need for love. That’s why it’s so devastating to lose a loved one. It might be through a death, or break-up. Despite the painful experiences that these losses bring to our heart, we sometimes do not complete the process of grieving a loss. We can and do stay stuck, sometimes for years and sometimes for a lifetime.

My dear friend, if this information strikes a chord with you, I send you my best wishes as you journey through healing from your loss of love. But I want to encourage you to take the right steps toward healing your heart. There really is another mountain beyond the valley you’re walking through and while you may never forget the love that was lost, you can choose to remember it without the pain.

“Emotions are wild horses. It is not explanations that carry us forward, but our will to go on. Knowing everyday is different.”

We cannot rewrite the past, nor can we ever go back to it. We look back with longing, forgetting sometimes how badly we were hurt in a relationship, or why it ended. One thing is for sure, if we stay stuck in the past of lost loves, we have no room for a new love. There is one line in this song that I think we all should remember and that is, “I wish only the best for you.” When you can wish only the best for someone you love, than you are free. Free to move forward, free to love and free to find a person who will love you back the way you deserve to be loved.

It is not the destination rather the journey that helps us understand that every action is part of the mystery of love. The mystery of love is waiting to be discovered by you. Never under estimate how much you can change your life and never over estimate how much you can change others people lives. I heard this some time ago and has resonated with me and I often remind myself of this great truth “that love will find me again and I will embrace love with all my heart.”

 

Why Do People Gossip

Lack of general knowledge

Not knowing enough about other interesting subjects to talk about, thus resorting to gossip. The society is designed in such a way that people often start specializing in particular professions from an early age. This limits their thinking and their knowledge to that direction only. This is not their fault. There is only so much time in a day and there is so much information pertaining to each profession and increasing so much and at such a rapid pace that it is hard enough just to keep up with it. In the end people seem to acquire a lot of knowledge about their own subject but outside of that, their general knowledge is limited unless they make a special effort. That is the reason that unless the topic being discussed is of their profession, they do not have much to contribute and they resort to gossip.

Inferiority Complex

If people do not have healthy self-esteem, they are more likely to engage in gossip. If someone is doing better than them, they feel good by gossiping about that person. People can not just be better, there has to be an unethical, if not an illegal reason. Underneath it all, everyone has a dark side.

How many times have we heard these terms?

He is getting ahead because he knows whose back to scratch, how to kiss the right ass but I am just not that type of a person. I am an honest and hard working person
He is getting ahead because he knows how to play the politics
He gets good grades because he is teacher’s pet
He knows the art of flattery that’s why he can easily get jobs and get ahead
Also, if people are feeling bad, knowing that there is someone else who is doing just as bad or even worse often makes them feel better. The easiest way to ensure that is the case is to start the gossip or rumour about others.

Taking revenge on people who constantly put you down

We have all known people that are loud and obnoxious. These people like to be the center of attention. If you oppose their point of view, whether one on one or in a meeting or gathering, these people can easily put you down and can turn downright nasty. The person on the receiving side may feel humiliated but unable to offer a comeback may resort to gossip later on. This again goes back to the lack of healthy self-esteem. Person with a healthy self-esteem may take the whole thing as a joke and not think about it anymore but a person with a low self-esteem can easily get offended and remember it for the rest of his life. This does not even have to be in public though it feels worst if you are being talked down to in front of others. There are some people who will constantly talk down to you even if it is just the two of you. Again, either you deal with it one on one with them or bad mouth them behind their back as many do.

Unmasking and showing the real side of people

If everyone believes that a certain person is a really hard working and a good person and you know that to be completely false, do you keep that to yourself or do you set to unmask that person? You know that they are good at one thing and that is exaggerating their accomplishments and taking credit for other people’s work. What if you deserve praise or credit on a project and another ends up taking all the credit because of their “smooth talk”? How do you handle such a situation? In fact you could be assertive and set the record straight or you could set out to show the real side of that person by gossiping about him.

Show the real side of people who get undeserved praise

Just like in the situation mentioned above, what if people are getting undeserved praise? And what if it has nothing to do with you? Do you consider it your responsibility to set the record straight about that person even though they have not wronged you? Do you gossip about that person?

People have been craving for attention and approval ever since the beginning of time and gossiping about others is one way of getting that attention.Although many people by their nature talk about the actions of others, the intentions may not be of a malicious nature. Spreading misinformation or distorting of facts occur by accident is very different from such actions occurring with a malicious intent. The malicious use of gossip can be based on revenge, political motives, or indirect assault on the person.

It is difficult to prevent others from saying things about you. People often talk. Taking preventative measure such as treating people decently, using manners, and keeping ones reputation in a good light are helpful in dispelling false accusations. In the end people gossip to feel better about self not taking into account the people they hurt.

Burn Out in Healthcare

Publisher: Senior Times Newspaper, Inc.

The Senior Times is a bi-weekly publication
printed and distributed through Shoreline Publications, Inc.

by Anne Armand

“This is how I look at life. I have to attend to myself first (second only to God) in order to be spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically available to others. If you have trouble with the semantics of putting yourself second, think of it as preparation to serve others,” says Mary Kay Evans LCSW and founder of Care Pathways Senior Care in Orange County.

Snapshot:
Care Pathways was founded in 1999 to bring a higher standard of care and compassion to seniors and families going into long-term care. Ms Evans took her years of practice to the people. Mary Kay Evans is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker with more than 30 years’ experience dedicated to the health and care of elder clients and their families. She serves on the board for Hospice Care of California, Orange County Council on Aging, Continuing education for Long Term care Social Workers and teaches “Compassion in Care” at UCI Medical Center.

“At the end of the day, I love what I do — I enjoy sharing not only inspiring and informative information, but also the good stuff.” Mary Kay Evans LCSW

“Those in the helping profession sometimes have a hard time remembering to take the time that is needed for themselves. Not only is there work to be done, also many are taking care of small children, an elderly parent, grandchild, home and so much worry in theses uncertain times trying to keep all the balls you juggle in the air.

“The odds are high that burnout will strike every healthcare professional at some point. Health workers — as well as teachers, ministers and others in the caring professions — are at increased risk for the stress syndrome because of the intensity of their work and the emotional bonds they form with the people they’re helping.”

Healthcare workers at risk for burnout can take action to avoid it. Here are some of their suggestions from Mary Kay on avoiding work-related burnout:

Bond with Colleagues: Reaching out to colleagues and discussing difficult situations can help to reduce stress, Traditionally, there has been a lack of positive feedback among health professionals, which fuels isolation and burnout. This has changed.

Talk It Out — and Let Others, Too:
A friend, colleague, counselor or career coach can help a person beat burnout just by listening. “Working with someone can help you clarify your vision and what motivates you,” and help you come to terms with the clash between your expectations and the reality of your job. Employers also play a role in fostering a more supportive working environment. “Organizations should look at provider satisfaction with an attitude that if someone is complaining, it’s not that they’re a complainer, but that something needs to be fixed,”

Don’t Lose Sight of the Forest for the Trees:
“The most important step people can take to prevent burnout is to constantly evaluate their life priorities and keep them in mind, Mary Kay asks her clients to think about the different areas of their lives — family, career, hobbies and religion — like pieces of a pie. She has them divide the pie in two: how their life is actually sliced and how they’d like it to be sliced. Burnout is preventable in the long term if you tailor your day-to-day activities to reflect how you’d like your pie sliced. Always keeping in mind to take of yourself so that you may continue to care for others.”
For more information you can visit http://www.carepathways.net

Medicare Cuts

As a social worker in healthcare for 30 years I have seen so much abuse of our Medicare Program take place by skilled nursing facilities, i.e. rehab. And the ever 20 days that is paid at 100 percent by Medicare. While there are many patients that can and do benefit from PT, OT, and speech services, there are also many that cannot due to cognition, dementia’s or medical conditions that prevent the patient for fully participating in a rehab program.

I have seen 90 something year olds that are in stages of decline and dementia that are pushed beyond their limits in order to justify Medicare days. I have seen patients that are unable to retain information from day to day and put through the paces for their full 20 days of Medicare and have not improved. I see this not only as Medicare abuse but also patient abuse as a frail elderly person that cannot benefit from such therapy could be walked by a RNA or caregiver to help with function. I also see patients that could benefit from hospice care services or palltive care verses aggressive care but are not given this option.

There are also patients who could benefit from living in small Board and Care homes verses a Skilled nursing care facility much cheaper than a skilled nursing facility. However in CA medi-cal will only pay for skilled nursing for long-term care. If they are looking for cuts, I suggest they talk to me, as I and many other social workers could advice in areas that need cutting and the ones that do not.